Something happened a few weeks ago that made work incredibly difficult. Working on photos from home wasn’t bad but social media became impossible. I didn’t want to write about it because it wasn’t business related but it has become related by affecting the way I’ve run things these past few weeks.
Three weeks ago a friend passed away. We’ve had time to prepare because he was given a few months to live four or five years ago but that, that didn’t seem to help anyone. I honestly didn’t expect it to get to me very much. He was a great man, that’s not it, it’s just…it’s just hard to explain.
All of a sudden I didn’t want to talk to people or have anyone touch me. And I couldn’t focus on anything any more. Being happy – or at least pretending to be – by sharing photos on Facebook or Instagram and writing a blog post was hard to even wrap my mind around. For some reason I’ve also felt like I wasn’t close enough to him any more to be affected so strongly. So, I haven’t been saying much about it to anyone. But I know that’s kind of silly. And, to be honest, things still aren’t great for me. I’m not sure why exactly. I just can’t snap out of it. I’m pretty sure it’s by the grace of God that I’ve had the focus and strength to finish editing photos and to be present and professional while on location. It’s definitely not by my own strength.
I know I don’t have to say sorry for not being present on social media but, I am. I’m sorry that I haven’t been my usual self and that things like this happen to people. I’m sorry if you’re hurting and going through something right now. I’m sorry that life doesn’t seem fair sometimes and that there doesn’t seem to be anything we can do about it. Im sorry.
“Instead of asking ‘Why?’ try asking ‘What now?'” – Jeff Crozier (possibly in more elaborate words but that’s how my brain translated it)
One of the reasons I started my own business is because my health isn’t good enough to work a full time job. I can’t commit to being at work at 9am every Monday – Friday. I ended up pushing myself too hard because I wouldn’t take a sick day. By having my own business I can work from home while taking care of myself.
New problem. I feel fine except I can’t stay awake. I can’t take or edit photos if my eyes are closed! So far this week I have woken up on the couch, in my bed or on the floor at different times throughout the day without really knowing how I got there. On top of getting worried about what’s going on I’m starting to get really frustrated. My to-do list is piling up.
(Sorry if there are errors in this. I honestly can’t go back and read it over. I have so little energy.)
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I find this whole endeavour really interesting. I’ve decided to go with a business that doesn’t have a lot of overhead. I don’t have a store front or office hours which means no rent or fixed schedule. It’s wonderful! However, it also means no one can drop in to see me. No one sees my name and thinks “whats this? Maybe I should check it out.” Instead I have to keep getting myself out there online and in the community so people start realising I’m here. This is difficult when you have no clients. It can also be discouraging and is definitely draining but it’s also exciting. There are so many opportunities available. It’s just finding them or making them happen.
I’ve decided to write a to-do list as well as 101 in 1001 list. Things to work on and to work towards – goals. Without those I’ll probably end up going nowhere. If you haven’t heard of 101 in 1001 it’s a list of 101 things you’d like to complete in 1001 days. Dream big and more than 101 things will happen in those days.
Feeling a little discouraged today but I know it’s just part of getting to success.
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